Monday, October 31, 2011

I've Been Replaced! Egad!

Screw it. I had a whole post written out about the meaning in life (or lack there of, for the more pessimistic people...) but it all felt empty. No heart to write about that particular cliche topics right now, I'm going to talk about society. Yes, again.
Personally, I hate it. Having to rely on other humans in order to obtain pieces of linen paper with an albeit special green ink, in order to simply not starve, or have a place to get out of the cold. Putting yourself through such a miserable monotony only in order to have a hellhole to go home to at night, and stare at the ceiling or get wasted because you can't sleep. To work so hard for the very things that make you miserable, only to realize at the end of the day that the only one you can really blame for your pessimism and depression is your own self, that you make yourself the way you are, that you took away from yourself the very things you did all that work for.
Well, it's the end of class. I'd love to write more, but I have a history to dissect. Oh joy.
The quote is in image format today.
Kumagawa, My third favourite character in Medaka box.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Pardon.... Everything.


I've been having a decent week, up's and downs with the positives and negatives, and then, as a matter of course, history starts repeating. It sucks, to be honest.

Anyway, I best start talking about something relevant, or everyone might leave! Oh, wait.... Bit late for that.
Late-ness aside, I found out something today. I was reading through some of my favorite quotes by Chuck Palahniuk,
And I came across one I found to be undeniably true. It was: "What I want is to be needed. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody. Who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention. Somebody addicted to me. A mutual addiction."
I mean, isn't that what everyone is searching for? The perfect fit to that gaping maw of whatever endless, pointless vacuum that is there, sitting, waiting, longing to be fulfilled. Someone, or something (some people have... Odd... Tendencies.) that is there, exactly when you need them to be, hell, even when you don't? Don't we all want that? Sometimes, at least? Can't we just skip all the pointless frivolities and the mindless tedium of what this socially bankrupt world asks of us, and start looking for that? No, I guess not.
When in Rome, and all that.

Well, this is it.
Another pointless post by Apathetic Me.

“I've met God across his long walnut desk with his diplomas hanging on the wall behind him, and God asks me, "Why?" Why did I cause so much pain? Didn't I realize that each of us is a sacred, unique snowflake of special unique specialness? Can't I see how we're all manifestations of love? I look at God behind his desk, taking notes on a pad, but God's got this all wrong. We are not special. We are not crap or trash, either. We just are. We just are, and what happens just happens. And God says, "No, that's not right." Yeah. Well. Whatever. You can't teach God anything.”
Chuck Palahniuk quotes (American freelance Journalist, Satirist and Novelist. b.1961)

Sunday, October 16, 2011

The Pigs, They Be Flying

The world is, really, a funny place. As an example: just a couple minuets ago, I was listening to my iPod of a decently large number of songs, and I decided I'd like to listen to symmetry by the dangerous summer, (a good song) and as I was going to skip through my playlist to find it, when the previous song ends and lo and behold, symmetry is playing. I personally find this endlessly interesting, because that's not the first time something like it has happened. Not even close. It's shockingly common. Sometimes the world seems to just listen to what I have to say, which is no small miracle in and of itself. (Listening to me, I mean.)
Call it paranoia, call it seeing patterns, believe that if I wave a stick at some water, it'll just part and let me pass, I don't care I just thought it was interesting, and thought i'd share my pointless musings (Twice in one day!) and that's what this blog is about.


“I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.”
Oscar Wilde quotes (Irish Poet, Novelist, Dramatist and Critic, 1854-1900

When something's gone

7:30 in the morning... My all time earliest post. Well, I guess when you have stuff to say, you have stuff to say.
Okay, so, sometimes in life, you find something special. Something you hold above all else. A gift from a loved one, a few words written on a scrap of paper written at just the right time, the first drawing of you your child put so much effort in, saying "I love you." a person, even. That thing becomes so special to you, the thought of it disappearing is simply... Incomprehensible. You don't know what you'd do. And if you ever do loose it, you're crushed. You can spend hours, days, weeks, months even, just searching for it. the thought of anything replacing it is simply insane. For a while, nothing else matters.
Then, later, after lack of sleep, emotional torment, and possibly a torn apart house, when you find it, the feeling can't be described actually. Relief, euphoria, everything the exact opposite of when you lost it. You never, ever want to loose it again. And if you do, the process starts all over again, just maybe a little stronger.
All you ever want is it back.
Anyway, that's it for me. I'm off to think about things.
Until next time.

Just because it matters to you, doesn't mean anyone cares, I guess.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Nooks and Crannies

Has anyone else ever had the feeling that something was just... Missing? That something -should- be there, or was there once, and now there's just this odd kind of emptiness? Like you'll never really be able to move on until it's fixed? Anyway, that's just something to think about.

I was reading some philosophy the other day, and I came across this in a book quoting Nietzsche's The Gay Science, and it struck me as... Well perfect, really.

"Aph. 341 The greatest weight.—What, if some day or night a demon were to steal after you into your loneliest loneliness and say to you: "This life as you now live it and have lived it, you will have to live once more and innumerable times more; and there will be nothing new in it, but every pain and every joy and every thought and sigh and everything unutterably small or great in your life will have to return to you, all in the same succession and sequence—even this spider and this moonlight between the trees, and even this moment and I myself. The eternal hourglass of existence is turned upside down again and again, and you with it, speck of dust!"

Would you not throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse the demon who spoke thus? Or have you once experienced a tremendous moment when you would have answered him: "You are a god and never have I heard anything more divine." If this thought gained possession of you, it would change you as you are or perhaps crush you. The question in each and every thing, "Do you desire this once more and innumerable times more?" would lie upon your actions as the greatest weight. Or how well disposed would you have to become to yourself and to life to crave nothing more fervently than this ultimate eternal confirmation and seal?"

Would we want our lives to be done unto us over and over again? Would we want the past to simply play back like a broken record, stuck on a single track? Are we contented enough with whatever lives we are living to be happy with have it "once more and innumerable times more?"
What would you do?
What ~could~ you do?
And again, what seems to be at the root of everything, Are you "Happy"?
Looks like you'll have to find your own answers again folks. Just something to keep in mind from little old Apathetic Me.

"What win I, if I gain the thing I seek?
A dream, a breath, a froth of fleeting joy.
Who buy's a minuets mirth to wail a week?
Or sells eternity to get a toy?
For one sweet grape who will the vine destroy?"
~ William Shakespeare

Ps~ I have a blogger app now, so I might be posting more often.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Some great poems by Osoanon Nimuss

Warped and Twisted

Harsh words & violent blows
Hidden secrets nobody knows
Eyes are open, hands are fisted
Deep inside I'm warped & twisted
So many tricks & so many lies
Too many whens & too many whys
Nobody's special, nobody's gifted
I'm just me, warped & twisted
Sleeping awake & choking on a dream
Listening loudly to a silent scream
Call my mind, the number's unlisted
Lost in someone so warped & twisted
On my knees, alive but dead
Look at the invisible blood I've bled
I'm not gone, my mind has drifted
Don't expect much, I'm warped & twisted
Burnt out, wasted, empty, & hollow
Today's just yesterday's tomorrow
The sun died out, the ashes sifted
I'm still here, warped & twisted

Osoanon Nimuss
---
Absolutely Nothing

Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it 'Chops'
because that was the name of his dog
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and a gold star
And his mother hung it on the kitchen door
and read it to his aunts
That was the year Father Tracy
took all the kids to the zoo
And he let them sing on the bus
And his little sister was born
with tiny toenails and no hair
And his mother and father kissed alot
And the girl around the corner sent him a
Valentine signed with a row of X's
and he had to ask his father what the X's meant
And his father always tucked him in bed at night
And was always there to do it.

Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it 'Autumn'
because that was the name of the season
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and asked him to write more clearly
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because of its new paint
And the kids told him
that Father Tracy smoked cigars
And left butts on the pews
And sometimes they would burn holes
That was the year his sister got glasses
with thick lenses and black frames
And the girl around the corner laughed
when he asked her to go see Santa Claus
And the kids told him why
his mother and father kissed alot
And his father never tucked him in bed at night
And his father got mad
when he cried for him to do it.

Once on a paper torn from his notebook
he wrote a poem
And he called it 'Innocence: A Question'
because that was the question about his girl
And that's what it was all about
And his professor gave him an A
and a strange steady look
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because he never showed her
That was the year Father Tracy died
And he forgot how the end
of the Apostle's Creed went
And he caught his sister
making out on the back porch
And his mother and father never kissed
or even talked
And the girl around the corner
wore too much makeup
That made him cough when he kissed her
but he kissed her anyway
because that was the thing to do
And at 3am he tucked himself into bed
his father snoring soundly.

That's why on the back of a brown paper bag
he tried another poem
And he called it 'Absolutely Nothing'
Because that's what it was really all about
And he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
And he hung it on the bathroom door
because this time he didn't think
he could reach the kitchen.

Osoanon Nimuss

Great stuff. You always know that writing is amazing when the name is such an awesome pun.
Post coming tomorrow.
Ciao.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Ah, god I love blueberries.

I've been replaying my this last year or so in my head lately, remembering everything that was going on, good times and bad, things i wish could go back, stuff like that, and i realized, i have yet to talk about the good points in life. so today, i am going to try as hard as i can to be optimistic.

To me, one of the good points in life ( in this day and age) is proximity. It is, of course, a downside as well, but i said i would try to be optimistic, so I'll skip that. We as a people are so... close and connected that lets say that two people who were close broke away from each other. See, in this society, there is always the chance that, if something changed, those two could meet again, as long as one tried to look. E-mail, chat clients, videogames, blogs, everything holds us together just close enough for there to be a way to hold people together, so we all don't go insane, unnoticed, or dead. There is always some way to get back with loved ones as long as they're alive, if you only look hard enough.
To me, that is perfect. I think that, if someone actually went through that, that they would actually have to try to find whoever it is they're looking for, and still be able to find them. It shows that they are willing to try.
Anyway, sappy stuff aside, I'm going to end here today with some parting words and a quote.
Take care everyone.
'till next time.
Don't let the world hate you too much.

Something that seems random is just something that doesn't make sense to you.
~ApatheticMe (I think...)