Rambling again

I apologize for the lack of posts of late. I seem to have no inspiration when i have topics, and no topics when i have inspiration, along with some happy distractions.

So... I'm just gonna talk.
I know too many people that hate themselves, too many people who (wrongly) think that what they do is wrong, that others are always more important. True, i may just be a hypocrite when i say that people should not say/think/believe these things, but someone has to drop low enough so to be a foothold for others to climb higher, and i cant stand the idea of it being someone other than me. I don't like seeing people hating themselves. Anyway, as a shout out to all the people who feel this way, or know others that do, i dedicate this (improvised) post.

No one, at all, ever, is useless. No one is hated by everyone. Everyone is different. Simple sayings, that no one really ever takes notice of. I'm gonna try to give my opinions, which, to me, are truth.

Okay, so, everyone is useful. Everyone can make someone happy. they can change a life, they can make others see, someone just needs to listen.you need to listen to people when they try to talk to you. You need to let go of yourself for a little bit and take notice of the little things. I guess if you don't notice them, you can't help them.

No one is hated by everyone. I can say that as an absolute fact, because i don't hate people. I just don't. There are bound to be more people like me in the world, so just try and find one, why don't ya.

Everyone is different. You cant just expect people to understand you or what you say just because you said some vague and confusing things about your mind in a metaphor... Also, it means that if someone hates you, on the basis that everyone is different, someone likes you.

well, I'm out of things to say for my psychology improv. I think i did okay for some spur-of-the-moment rambling.

Le Quote:

Memory and Connecting My Readers.

Memory. My favorite words on this are in the book Impulse by Ellen Hopkins, but i will try and put it in my own words, just for you people.

memory... Hated by the people that never want to remember, loved by those who can never bear to forget. I really don't know what to say on this, me being all wishy-washy on this subject myself. Personally, my memory is based on triggers. Words, voices, sounds, sights... everything reminds me of what i have... linked to them. Lets say a friend gets me into a band, every time i hear that band it triggers the memory of that person. It's just the way i work. On a more general note, memory is one of the major things that makes us, us. Our memories are a great influence on every choice we make, every word we say, every step we take . It not only lets us remember where we put our car keys (sometimes) but it helps us make choices. Choices that may make, or break us.

Okay, everyone, I have created a palringo group (palringo is a chat client that works on many mobile phones, [Including ipod touch] windows and mac, so you can use it on the go or on your desktop) named Apatheticology. I made it based on the theory that if person A likes to read this and person B likes to read this, Person A and Person B might have something in common, and like to chat. So, check it out if you feel like you might like chatting with some of the people that read this. Curiously enough, including me (I'm named Nevahevah on there) there is already four of my readers that have joined it.

Well, I'm off now. Things to do. (not really...)

The big post... Disapointingly small!!!

Okay, okay, were to start...

What do I truly want to know that  someone might be able to teach me? What do i want to know that i can learn by simply opening a book and reading about? To answer these, i would have to say very little. There is no book (to contradict myself, see Akashic Records) that holds the secrets of this world, no class that teaches me why things are. Those things are my interests. The things you can spend lifetimes studying, and not learn more than a fraction about. So all in all, i am doomed to be curious and thoughtful my entire life. i am doomed to be intellectually “unfulfilled.” I think i might be able to live with that though. probably...

The following are just bits of thoughts. Poems, paragraphs, whatever, just bits of my mind on paper. hope you find it interesting.

Sorry there isn’t as much as i thought there would be. I’m not comfortable sharing most of them with the wide world. :P

Remember, things may not be what they seem.

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First off, Remember that story i posted... a couple of posts ago? well, here’s the prologue.

You enter my life at exactly the wrong moment. I am drifting in and out of consciousness, taxing on a cocktail of pain, anesthetics, and blood loss. I open my eyes to the largish hole in my chest, and i glare at the men in blue scrubs that are pulling out the folded steel shrapnel of the bullet that entirely failed to do its job. My eyes focus just beyond them, to a paneled viewing room, and rest on you. A face that feels so familiar, and yet so foreign. as i drift back out of conscious, i let out a single, hollow laugh with no humor in it at all.

I should probably remember you, but....

I don't.

_____________________________________________________________________________

Cheery, eh?

The next piece is just... random.

Ever do we walk this earth, our influence spreading out with each step. Rippling. A stone against the surface of a lake. Each minute wave colliding with others. Entangling lives, crossing paths, Making lives... And breaking them. Each person only a single pebble at the bottom of the lake, and each life only a small ripple, but it just wouldn’t be the same without them.

_____________________________________________________________________________

Another poem, but if poetry can’t be a form of thought, then I’m the muffin man.

I’ve got time

to watch it all crumble away

to hear everybody say

that it all ends today.

I can wait

‘till all of the past is gone

‘till we all move right along

just singing the same old song.

It’s over

We remember what we have done

the beginning has finally begun

I wonder if we have won.

This time

We will give it all that we’ve got

Fighting our fights on the spot

Living our lives today

Scared of throwing it all away.

_____________________________________________________________________________

… Random thing about writing.

Everything i write starts out as a means to an end.

One page to clear my mind

One verse to help forget.

Everything I write turns into a softly nagging thought.
Could I explain it all so bluntly?

You know, that is not the end....

Everything I write turns into an obsession.

No, it still isn’t enough!

I have so much more to say....

_____________________________________________________________________________

“Until this moment, I never understood how hard it was to lose something you never had.

Anonymous. 

There is more, for another day...

Because I would want to know.

If my "big post" Isn't up today, it will be up tomorrow. sorry for the wait. I had to go through a heluvalot of papers, then i stupidly chose to write it out first, i'm typing it now.

Not the big post, sorry...

I just took the mbti, here is my result.

INTP

INTPs are pensive, analytical folks. They may venture so deeply into thought as to seem detached, and often actually are oblivious to the world around them. Precise about their descriptions, INTPs will often correct others (or be sorely tempted to) if the shade of meaning is a bit off. While annoying to the less concise, this fine discrimination ability gives INTPs so inclined a natural advantage as, for example, grammarians and linguists. INTPs are relatively easy-going and amenable to almost anything until their principles are violated, about which they may become outspoken and inflexible. They prefer to return, however, to a reserved albeit benign ambiance, not wishing to make spectacles of themselves. A major concern for INTPs is the haunting sense of impending failure. They spend considerable time second-guessing themselves. The open-endedness (from Perceiving) conjoined with the need for competence (NT) is expressed in a sense that one's conclusion may well be met by an equally plausible alternative solution, and that, after all, one may very well have overlooked some critical bit of data. An INTP arguing a point may very well be trying to convince himself as much as his opposition. In this way INTPs are markedly different from INTJs, who are much more confident in their competence and willing to act on their convictions. Mathematics is a system where many INTPs love to play, similarly languages, computer systems--potentially any complex system. INTPs thrive on systems. Understanding, exploring, mastering, and manipulating systems can overtake the INTP's conscious thought. This fascination for logical wholes and their inner workings is often expressed in a detachment from the environment, a concentration where time is forgotten and extraneous stimuli are held at bay. Accomplishing a task or goal with this knowledge is secondary. INTPs and Logic -- One of the tipoffs that a person is an INTP is her obsession with logical correctness. Errors are not often due to poor logic -- apparent faux pas in reasoning are usually a result of overlooking details or of incorrect context. Games NTs seem to especially enjoy include Risk, Bridge, Stratego, Chess, Go, and word games of all sorts. (I have an ENTP friend that loves Boggle and its variations. We've been known to sit in public places and pick a word off a menu or mayonnaise jar to see who can make the most words from its letters on a napkin in two minutes.) The INTP mailing list has enjoyed a round of Metaphore, virtual volleyball, and a few 'finish the series' brain teasers. INTPs in the main are not clannish. The INTP mailing list, with a readership now in triple figures, was in its incipience fraught with all the difficulties of the Panama canal: we had trouble deciding: whether or not there should be such a group, exactly what such a group should be called, and which of us would have to take the responsibility for organization and maintenance of the aforesaid group/club/whatever. A Functional Analysis Introverted ThinkingIntroverted Thinking strives to extract the essence of the Idea from various externals that express it. In the extreme, this conceptual essence wants no form or substance to verify its reality. Knowing the Truth is enough for INTPs; the knowledge that this truth can (or could) be demonstrated is sufficient to satisfy the knower. "Cogito, ergo sum" expresses this prime directive quite succinctly. In seasons of low energy level, or moments of single-minded concentration, the INTP is aloof and detached in a way that might even offend more relational or extraverted individuals. Extraverted iNtuitionIntuition softens and socializes Thinking, fleshing out the brittle bones of truths formed in the dominant inner world. That which is is not negotiable; yet actual application diffuses knowledge to the extent that knowledge needs qualification and context to be of any consequence in this foreign world of substance. If Thinking can desist, the INTP is free to brainstorm, calling up the perceptions of the unconscious (i.e., intuition) which are mirrored in patterns in the realm of matter, time and space. These perceptions, in the form of theories or hunches, must ultimately defer to the inner principles, or at least they must not negate them. Intuition unchained gives birth to play. INTPs enjoy games, formal or impromptu, which coax analogies, patterns and theories from the unseen into spontaneous expression in a way that defies their own comprehension. Introverted SensingSensing is of a subjective, inner nature similar to that of the SJs. It supplies awareness of the forms of senses rather than the raw, analogic stimuli. Facts and figures seek to be cleaned up for comparison with an ever growing range of previously experienced input. Sensing assists intuition in sorting out and arranging information into the building blocks for Thinking's elaborate systems. The internalizing nature of the INTP's Sensing function leaves a relative absence of environmental awareness (i.e., Extraverted Sensing), except when the environment is the current focus. Consciousness of such conditions is at best a sometime thing. Extraverted FeelingFeeling tends to be all or none. When present, the INTP's concern for others is intense, albeit naive. In a crisis, this feeling judgement is often silenced by the emergence of Thinking, who rushes in to avert chaos and destruction. In the absence of a clear principle, however, INTPs have been known to defer judgement and to allow decisions about interpersonal matters to be left hanging lest someone be offended or somehow injured. INTPs are at risk of being swept away by the shadow in the form of their own strong emotional impulses. Famous INTPs:Socrates Rene Descartes Blaise Pascal Sir Isaac Newton U.S. Presidents: James Madison John Quincy Adams John Tyler Dwight D. Eisenhower Gerald Ford William Harvey (pioneer in human physiology) C. G. Jung, (Freudian defector, author of Psychological Types, etc.) William James Albert Einstein Charles Darwin Tom Foley (1989-1995: Speaker of the House--U.S. House of Representatives) Henri Mancini Bob Newhart Jeff Bingaman, U.S. Senator (D.--NM) Rick Moranis (Honey, I Shrunk The Kids) Midori Ito (ice skater, Olympic silver medalist) Tiger Woods Fictional INTPsSherlock Holmes Tom and Fiona (Four Weddings and a Funeral) Dr. Susan Lewis (ER) Filburt (Rocko's Modern Life)

Still working on the big one.

About the delay

Sorry that the posts have been so spread out of late, I've been putting togeather all of the papers were I store all of my random thoughts and setting up for a big post, so bear with me.